Shia LeBUSTED! or How what show should he "Rehab" in?

After her non-comeback year, depression, an awful hairdo, clinics, pills and umbrella attacks, Britney opted for the hah-larious How I Met Your Mother as the place where she would (and sorta did) show the world she's okay now (and funny if she wants to be).

Lindsay, after partying too much with the Hilton and the Ritchie and whoever else would enable her (including her mom?) decided to start cleaning up her act and going back to her Mean Girls roots and did a small cameo (that set up her arc in the upcoming 3rd Season) in Ugly Betty.

And now, joining the ranks of these two (even if men in Hollywood seem to always get it easier with the press: "He's living life!" "He's having fun" to the "She's out of control!" "It's so unseemly!") Shia LeIHateHisLastName is already in trouble again. Yes, Steven and George's (and Bay's! and Caruso's!) little It-Boy was busted... again. And so many franchises hinge on his nicely cut good-boy image that it led me to wonder: Where oh where will Shia go once he needs to "clean up" his act (even if secretly I'm hoping he doesn't - not because I hate him, but because I do wanna see someone else *coughTopherGracecough* in the role of Yorick Brown). Here are some suggestions:

He could go the K-Fed route and be in an episode of CSI. I can see it now: young hooligan gets in with the wrong crowd. A murder ensues. Investigation (with cool special FX and minimal acting) follows. This would be the "I'm being META" Guest gig (that, or if he wants even more Meta-guesting he could do so in 30 Rock, but as much as I would like everyone to see how Shia cannot meet the Tina/Jane/Alec standards of acting, I really don't want him getting an Emmy nom next year)

Or, he could go the way the girls did and choose a comedy. Let's see, he could do a CBS comedy:

Two and a Half Men (I would only wish this on never-really-been-it boys - Sorry Sheen!) - Shia plays a younger version of Charlie that reminds him how he started, though he's grown enough to give the guy some pointers. Somehow, even in its non-hilarity, the ratings go through the roof and I'm still left wondering how anyone watches this still...

The Big Bang Theory - here he would play himself and suffer from endless "What do you say sir, about the blatant inconsistencies in Indy IV?"/ "But do you really want us to believe anyone could survive a sword fight with Cate Blanchett... I mean, a nuclear explosion?" conversations courtesy of everyone's favourite fanboys. (See, I'd pay to watch that) - and no, he would not get any screen-time with Penny.

Or, y'know - if it gets that bad, he can always go to reality TV shows:

Dancing with the Shia. A one episode spin off where fangirls fight over the 'hunky' Disturbia actor through dancing competition only to win a date with the Last Hope for the Indy franchise. He would play all three guests, showcasing his acting chops (and one can only imagine that he has his faux-Brit-arrogant accent to a dime, except y'know... for the British part) - while all the while hearing confessions from the girls involved saying how they quit their job to be here, or how this would just make their 1 year old so proud... 

How about a guest-judging gig in Project Runway? Well, if SJP could pull it off why not make it an Indy-themed challenge? All you get are khakis and you need to come up with something new (yes - think the Levi's challenge only with Banana Republic sponsoring!) and that classic Indy outfit as your inspiration.

Ah, the possibilities are really endless. I mean, Disney could welcome him back and have him share hosting gigs with Nick Lachey, or Pushing Daisies could use him as a corpse at some point, or he could play an arrogant version of himself in Entourage or well... you get the idea, no?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, or How - Wouldn't they die?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Dir. Steven Spielberg
Starring: Harrison Ford, Cate Blanchett, John Hurt, Ray Winstone, Jim Broadbent... and, oh yeah that kid.

Let's play 5 questions (20's pushing it, really):

Is Indiana Jones and the Longest Title in the World not belonging to a Johnny Depp Franchise a great movie? No. While it has great moments (any time Ms Blanchett is on-screen!) the entire movie seems a bit too-contrived (especially that horrible paternity thing, which other than making Harrison the new Conner, does little else than introduce a greaser who (given Spielberg and Ford's A-okay) might take over the franchise (god forbid!).

Is Indiana Jones and The Fonz a good summer popcorn movie? Perhaps. It has thrills, it has laughs, it has effing CGI monkeys for god's sakes! This is definitely not Iron Man territory but the 124mins went by swimmingly fast - always a good sign for a summer movie.

Is Indiana Jones and the 'Apocalypto meets Shyamalan's Signs' character designs a memorable Spielberg movie? Far from it. Steven (yes, we're on a first-name basis, stop asking!) can direct a movie like this in his sleep. Actually he probably did. 'Beautiful establishing shot here... ::snore:: Wildly choreographed (though not less enjoyable because of it) fight scene here ::snore:: Witty humour here...::snore:: ooOoh! Jews! No. Wait. Other Spielberg-ey staple: Aliens! Yeah... aliens!'

Is Indiana Jones and the Improbable Death-Defying Action Sequences worth your money? I think so. I mean, think of all the life-lessons you're taught:
- Harrison at any age is more bankable than Ashton+Cameron, or Brits in weird accents, or Dempsey+Monaghan... isn't that reassuring? Viva Han Solo!
- Cate Blanchett can and will kill you. Creepy and good-looking with gorgeous eyes and skin - all in spite of a horrid Eastern European hairdo - not even Javier could work the bob, but Cate... she's in a different league altogether!
- Never underestimate the power of Brit-casting. Shaa-ee-aah at least got some acting lessons from John and Jim. Take notes kid.
- Russians have a different sense of fashion. But then, so did the Greasers... Discuss.
- South Americans didn't really create awe-inspiring Nazca lines or anything like it... Aliens did. See how that's more believable?

Is Indiana Jones and Natasha Fatale a good addition to the Indy franchise? That one's harder to answer. Indy IV has everything an Indy movie should have: wit, whips and world-traveling. It also has a couple of things Indy didn't need: a son (wtf?! Please, can someone explain to me Shai-ah's appeal? Seriously...), a wife (Really? Marion?), and people who live in the space in between space (huh?).

Sure, it was crazy. Sure, I hated every moment 'Shaya' was on screen (he irks me more than I convey really, which is probably why I loved that Harrison kept him in line and didn't take any of his 'I'm the new It-boy' crap), but I still thoroughly enjoyed Indy 4 - I mean, how can you not enjoy a movie which is constantly winking your way?
'Yeah, this is a nuclear testing facility, but see how this Lead-poisoning/made fridge saved me? Improbable? C'mon! ::wink!::'
'I might be old enough to be your grandfather, but I can still crack a whip like it was 1981! ::wink::'
'Yeah, I am Cate Blanchett and I have a hurricane in me! Wait? Sha-e-a is competition in a sword fight? haha ::wink wink::'

Did I mention Cate's the best thing about this movie? B+

2008 Watch Out For List or How Indy, Harry and others will be back

While everyone else is reveling in 'Best of 2007' I thought we could look ahead. Here at A Blog Next Door there are a couple of movies we are watching out for - and you should too! For sake of brevity I divided my list into three categories: Franchises I Love, Stars I Love and Good Premises. Here goes the first:






Franchises I Love (ie. Hyped Up Movies that I hope won't disappoint)
I know, I know... Star Wars and Lord of the Rings come only once in a blue moon. But sometimes you just have to see the 'next episode' if only to revisit characters you love, retread over premises you know by heart, and even see what the producers/writers/directors have come up with THIS time to make your money worthwhile. Here are my picks for 2008:

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Release Date: May 22, 2008
Though I don't know how Indy will make the transition to the 21st Century with newest It-kid Shia LeBouf, I will still buy my ticket to go see what Harrison, Steven and Cate have in store for us this coming summer. That said I am still mourning the fact that Mr Connery will not be reprising his role as Indy's daddy as he was arguably a high point of the 80s trilogy, and the fact that the movie has such a horrible title that makes me think it came out of a dungeons and dragons Saturday night basement charade.

Sex and the City: The Movie
Release Date: May 30, 2008
Like anyone who loved the series and loves watching the reruns (albeit censored on TBS) I am weary about the promising nature of the silver screen shenanigans of Ms Bradshaw and company. That said, watching (what I can only hope will still be R-rated, though I'm sure they'll more likely skew for PG-13) sex scenes on the big screen will be worth the movie ticket - oh and yeah, I'm also excited about the romantic storylines, sure.

Bond 22
Release Date: November 7, 2008
How do you top a movie that has given us one of the most widely reproduced man-candy scenes of all cinema? (Two if you count that torture scene... if you're into that of course) It'll be hard, that's true for Mr Haggis, Mr Foster and Mr Craig to top that and the rest of what was the most thrilling 007 venture in years, but I am confident that it will be one of the must-watch events of 2008 if only to watch Mr Craig owning the 007 title for a second time and seeing Ms Dench scorch the screen as she usually does with those great exasperated sighs and sardonic remarks she has so masterfully honed over the years.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Release Date: November 21, 2008
While I am still torn over the ending of Rowling's franchise (was that subpar last chapter even necessary? I know it's a 'children's lit series' but did it need that useless '20 years later Happy Ending' epilogue?) I am excited about the second to last movie installment - Phoenix delivered and Half-Blood should too. Sure, it won't be the artistic gem that Cuarón's third installment was but it is sure to offer what will be an even greater wizarding duel and a chance for Alan Rickman to scare (new) legions of HP fans.

The Dark Knight
Release Date: July 18, 2008
Chris Nolan - like Paul Greengrass with the Bourne movies - seems to be enjoying himself in this high-profile franchise. Batman Begins was a great entry into the Batman-centered universe with an electric performance by Christian Bale, a great acting ensemble, amazing action sequences and a great reimagining of the Bat-verse (who didn't love that Bat mobile?). With the Dark Knight creating endless online buzz and the ever-presence of Heath Ledger Joker taunts this is a Must Watch indeed.
[Also kudos for knowing that Maggie > Katie]