Favorite Characters on TV, or How this is why Lists were created!

Here goes, for no reason whatsoever and prompted by nothing but boredom and a will to procrastinate like it's nobody's business, I give you my favorite characters from TV from 2008. Yes, they are arbitrary, only include characters from shows I actually watch (so yeah... House, any of them Heroes, 90210ers and Gossipy boys, any procedurals or McDoctors will not be found here... for that you people got the Tv rags and them People's Choice whatevers). Here, strong women and gay men rule the world. Also being a bitch helps you out. A lot.

Top 10 Favorite TV Characters from 2008

Shoutouts to:

Amy Poehler as Hillary Clinton (that laugh... so creepy, so funny!), the rest of the Desperate Housewives (yay Ensemble work!), Vanessa Williams' Wilhemina Slater (Ugly Betty) - she's scarier in HD!, Christina Applegate's Samantha (Samantha Who? - exactly!), Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report) - cause it wouldn't be Indecision 2008 without good ol' Stephen, Jack Donaghy (30 Rock... actually that entire cast for being so hysterical!)... I could go on, but instead here's the actual list.

10. Holly

Amy Ryan (The Office)

Who knew Amy Ryan was so funny? And awkward? And Michael Scott's secret long-lost soulmate? She has been a breathe of fresh air (and a welcome one at that!) in The Office's newest season.

I was trying to adjust the lumbar support on Toby's chair and that made this up-down lever not work and I took the whole chair apart and that is the story of me on the floor. It's pretty good right? I'm gonna sell the movie rights.

9. _____

Kristen Wiig (SNL)

I had to include Kristen here, because well... she makes EVERY skit she's in AMAZING. 

Actually, there's a few ways -- just kidding, there's only one way -- just kidding, I don't know how many ways there are -- just kidding, I do, there's eight -- just kidding, there's eighteen, I counted them -- just kidding, my friend did and she never lies -- just kidding, she lied once, but I wasn't there -- just kidding, we're not really friends, we work together -- just kidding, I work by myself -- just kidding, I workout by myself -- just kidding, I don't work out, 'cause I kicked out of my gym -- just kidding, it closed -- just kidding! 

8. Jenna Maroney

Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)

Me want food... er me want Jenna! Jane sells every line she gets handed as if it was a comedic 

gem, and by the time you're done laughing you realize it is. Fat Jenna? Funny. Skinny bitchy Jenna? Hysterical. Porn video game voice actress Jenna? Priceless. I am very excited for what's in store for that Mystic Pizza the Musical actress/Muffin Top singer.

These things happen Liz. I had my "no sex with Asians" rule but then one day you walk into Sharper Image and there's Quan

7. Marc St James

Michael Urie (Ugly Betty)

Marc is the funniest half of the funniest Fag/Fag-Hag pair to grace Prime Time since a certain flat-chested red-headed Jewess was rooming with a sex-less suburban lawyer gay. Marc is deliciously bitchy albeit stereotypical, and that scene where he slapped fake Wilhemina was priceless (add to that his wardrobe) and you have numero siete on my list.

Sure, if by 'beer' you mean 'Appletini'

6. Bree Van de Camp... ahem Hodge

Marcia Cross (Desperate Housewives)

Everyone's favorite housewife is even more desperate this season what with no more baby, a failing marriage, a bickering partner and well... thankfully, a soaring business. Here's hoping for more Bree-bites this season.

Andrew, tell this gentleman that if he calls me 'sweetie' again I'm gonna grab his camera and take a picture of his colon!

5. Barney Stinson

Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)

In one word Barney is "Awesome" ... or maybe just "Legen...wait for it... dary!" HIMYM is a show that shines when NPH gets great storylines and even better one-liners. I'm interested to see how the "falling in love" with Robin storyline will play out (Nothing's funnier than an anxiety-ridden Barney!) Bonus points: Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog.

What's that? Self-five? Nice, we out!

4. Six, Tricia Helfer 

(Battlestar Galactica)

Earlier seasons might have been all about President Roslin (Roslin'08!) and Starbuck, but Six dominated this past season - in all and every one of her incarnations. And much of that has come from the writer's willingness to explore the "humanity" in the cylons and of course the increasing talent of a certain Ms Helfer who's proven she's as talented as she is gorgeous.

God has a plan, Gaius. He has a plan for everything, and everyone

3. Tina Fey's Sarah Palin

Tina Fey (SNL)

What can I say about Tina's Palin that I haven't said before? Her Alaskan accent, her matching outfits, her crazy never-ending sentences... It has made for Must-Watch Saturday Night TV. And gosh-darnit, Tina made me be interested in your crazy US of A politics by following a certain moose-hunting, anti-women Alaskan right-wing nut. Here's hoping that this SNL exposure can make Tina's other doppelganger (Liz Lemon) gets some traction starting next week on NBC, making 30 Rock Must-Watch TV as well.

Senator McCain and I are not afraid to get Maverickey in there

2. Olive Snook

Kristin Chenoweth (Pushing Daisies)

Cheno is clearly a staple at this blog (click here for more) but really, a spunky romantic little blond waitress who sings? How could I resist? Also Season 2's story arc where she was a nun was hilarious but I'm also glad she's back in the Pie-Hole bickering and rooming with Lonely Tourist Charlotte Charles.

Our store is called The Pie Hole. As in shut your. Or in this case "Open your" because it's real good.

1. Joan Holloway

Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)

Joan is amazing. She is a bitch, she's gorgeous, she's curvy and sexy. And in Season 2 she's proven she's more than a cliché (See here for more on Joan) - how crushing was her rape scene this past Sunday? It's no wonder she made the banner for A Blog Next Door. Oh also: she's a Whedon Alum (if you don't know what Whedon show I mean you need to re-watch Firefly) and that just gives Christina Hendricks a boost of a gazillion points.

(Commenting about Paul to his new African-American girlfriend) 
"The last thing I would’ve taken him for was open-minded"

Desperate Housewives, or How Wisteria Lane's quotable quotes!

Desperate Housewives

"Kids Ain't Like Everybody Else"

Bree: [To Danielle] What a delightfully ethnic ensemble you've got! 

Gabi: The non-driving blind guy does not speak for myself!

Gabi: Carlos, that car is the last thing that says I'm better than everyone else!

Carlos: Sorry hun, we have to pay the mortgage, we can't afford to be better than anyone.

Andrew: And since you and my mom are dear friends, I won't flip you the bird.

Danielle: I became Vegetarian when I realized meat was a by-product of murder.

Bree: Would it be more acceptable if I found a suicidal pork loin? 

Gabi: Are you saying Juanita is fat for her age?

Susan: Gabi, Juanita is fat for your age. (and later) Tell Bob and Lee I will pay for the dent on the lawn [after she pushes Juanita onto it]

Live Blogging Desperate Housewives, or How we're 5 years into the future!

Live Blogging Desperate Housewives Episode One Season Five 

"You're Gonna Love Tomorrow"

8:56pm

It's Sunday evening and I am compelled to live-blog the D-Hos season premiere cause well... I'm done doing work this weekend and I'm thinking this'll be fun. Never live-blogged before so we'll see how everything goes.

9:00pm

Mary Alice briefs us on Susan and some woman called Lilah. 

WOW. Not even a minute in and we're already on soap-opera land. CAR CRASH! Is Teri okay? Yep... Is Mike? ... Jesus! Like enough stuff hasn't happened to him/them?!

9:02pm 

"Where did time go?" Asks Mary Alice... don't know. But why don't you tell us?

Ooh. Love Marcia's hair. Very Martha Stewart chic.

Ew. Juanita's "pretty dress" - and are we discussing weight issues for a 4 year old?! 

9:04pm

And the Bree soundites begin:

"That's no surprise, my pies are always amazing." 

"Andrew, tell this gentleman that if he calls me 'sweetie' again I'm gonna grab his camera and take a picture of his colon!"

9:07pm

Is it illegal for me to find Lynette's twins attractive?

And Gale having sex? So QAF! Except he's into commitment... weird.

9:10pm

Ahh! An albino's a-knocking! PSA: Don't let albinos into your house...

Oh, Nicolette you always knew how to make an entrance! In this case, you just had to pull open your car window and let us know you are now "Mrs Williams" to Mr Albino.

9:14pm

Edie: "I have a husband now"

Susan: "Really? Whose?" 

Hah-larious. And so true.

But now we're in bizarro-world: Edie's being nice? I smell a plot-twist!

9:17pm

Gabi soundbite: "Want me to pull off the Solis family album? Like a bunch of sea-lions on a rock!"

9:20pm 

Ahh! Make it stop! A Beverly Hills Chihuahua TV Spot - Oh Piper "Coyote Ugly" Perabo: whatever happened to your career? 

9:24pm

Gale Harold naked. I guess D-Hos producers know what they're doing! I find it funny though that they're a) rehashing a Susan season 1 sketch and b) pairing him with ze gay couple (and trust me: I would take a cell-phone pic if I caught Gale in his underwear near my house)

9:27pm

OH MY GOD. Gabi's game is amazing. Can I make MY kids follow my revving car around the city?! "You're tired? I thought running through that guy's sprinkler would have freshened you up!"

Bree: "I always changed something [in your recipes]"

Katherine: "What? The font?!"

9:30pm

"Welcome to Australia"! Welcome to you too Mr Jackman and your rippling, sweaty pectorals!

"Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be" - you're right Nicole... unless it's so pretty looking and directed by Baz! [Yay for Australia tv spots!]

On a sidenote: Ashton Kutcher exec produces "Opportunity Knocks"!?

9:34pm

LOL I do love it when Lynette plays the "I'm a passive aggressive mom/wife!" Case in point: giving the twins Tom's convertible after Tom refused to ground 'em.

9:38pm

Love the Katherine-Bree bitchy fights. But not as much as Tom-Lynette passive aggressive discussions about parenting! 

9:48pm

Gale Harold karaoke-ing?! "I wanna be YOUR boyfriend Gale!" (And who's on the front row? Ze gays again!)

Susan: "Maybe I don't deserve to be happy..." Hm... did I hear another plot-twist coming? And it all comes full circle!! But wait... WE don't get to hear what that's all about?!

9:50pm

omg! Danielle took the kid! Orson's gone?! (Or was?) wtf? 

Aw, Bree's business is her surrogate child. That's a wee bit depressive... and there was no humour to tone that down...

9:56pm

Thank god they don't call Maynard 'Maynard' (MJ instead). Oh, Lilah and her kid died... whoa dark place anyone?

"In a flash the life we knew is gone"

And Mary Alice leaves us with a couple of questions:

How could he have left me?

When did my beauty start to fade?

Why has my friend changed?

Was i the best mother i could have been?

And of course Dave is a crazy angry-prone ex-con on parole?! Now... who's the person who should be concerned?!

Whoa. That was an exquisite episode -Season One good. And it does play like a pilot: everyone is set up for what's to come this season (Lynette and her twins, Gabi and her self-image issues, Katherine and her stunted professional career, Bree and her family past, Susan and her new beau, Edie and her crazy husband... and I am hooked again!) and the 5 years flash forward allows them to play any and all angles they want (oh flashbacks will come in handy I'm sure). Here's to a desperate and past-haunted season ahead!

FYC, or How Here's my Dream Comedy Emmy Ballot

Desperate Housewives, or How Wisteria Lane was better than ever!

Desperate Housewives Season 4 Finale (with additional 5 Years Later ending!)

As if they hadn't cemented the whole 'Season 4' is D-Hoe's comeback!/as good as 'Season 1'! raves, the writers and actors of Desperate Housewives proved in the finale that things, indeed, have rarely been this juicy since their freshmen year. The two-hour season finale showcased what the D-Hoes do best: catty banter (any Gaby line, really), suburban drama (highbrow: Lynette in jail for child abuse; lowbrow: Bree catering Lee and Bob's commitment ceremony); marital drama (Bree and Orson, Lynette and Tom), slapstick humour (Mike calling Susan's son 'Maynard') and in the midst of it all dark deep (criminal) secrets (Catherine/Dylan's past finally revealed!). And not one aspect of the story lines was without its moments of brilliance. 

I could go into detail about the things I loved (Bob and Lee's commitment ceremony and the hilarity that ensued, Susan's actually funny story line about 'Maynard'), or about the things that made me laugh out loud (Bree telling Lynette how horrid her napkin swans are, Carlos yelling for help at the closet), or about the things I enjoyed (Susan and Julie's reverse 'I'm going to college' conversation, Kayla finally leaving), or about the things I gasped at (Catherine's secret: no one killed anyone! Wayne going all '24' on Adam! and of course the '5 Years Later' bit!) but instead I'll just give a short commentary on the 5 years later bit (the thing everyone's yapping about!) and jot down my fave lines from the episodes (more for keepsake than for anything else):

Bree.

Husband? Still with Orson, Check.

Kids? Andrew's still around. We can easily suppose Benjamin's in the house. Who knows where Danielle is?

Job? Cookbook author (and 24/7 suburban housewife and mom we suppose).

Looks? Just as uptight and beautiful as we remember.

Lynette.

Husband? Still with Tom, YAY!

Kids? If you mean juvenile delinquent twins, yes. We assume the rest of the pack's still around, sans Kayla of course (thank god! - creepy kids, not cool. See Julia Stiles' The Omen)

Job? Not mentioned. Do we think Scavo's survived?

Looks? Sporting a not so hot cut, but we'll take anything over 'em Cancer scarves.

Catherine.

Husband? We don't know. 

Kids? A marrying Romanian girl who she calls Dylan but isn't 'Dylan' of course.

Job? Still mysterious as ever that Catherine ("aloof" might be a good word to describe her)

Looks? Only housewife I thought looked better in the flash-forward actually.

Gaby.

Husband? Still with Carlos, we assume? Or was she just gonna 'fix' dinner for the girls?

Kids? HA! Two girls! Who love ravaging her closet.

Job? Full time mom? I'm elle oh elling too much at the thought.

Looks? I will miss Ms Longoria-Parker's lovely looks, as she was sporting a horrible sweatpants and no makeup combo, but oh the things Latinas do for their men...

Susan.

Husband? Yes: NOT-Mike! Hooray! The weakest link in the show has been removed! Instead she's now married to Brian Kinney er... Gale Harold. Hot.

Kids? We assume poor Maynard's still around, and Julie must be somewhere...

Job? Full time Gale Harold-loving? I want her job.

Looks? Thankfully the flash-forward allowed Teri Hatcher to finally look her character's age (ouch... just had to!) 

Favourite Lines:

Carlos: Gaby don't go up there, it's dangerous.

Gaby: Not as dangerous as poverty!

Lynette: You know I like giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Bree: No, you don't!

Lynette: Okay that's true, but let's say I did...

Bob: Lee, remember how you said I should tell you when you're acting like Faye Dunaway in the boardroom scene from Mommy Dearest...?

Lynette: That's not a cherub. It has no wings.

Bree: And the David has no arms, deal with it.

Bree (to Orson): Don't you dare throw your calligraphy skills at me when you know I'm at a low point!

Gaby (to Carlos): Come on, we're never gonna have kids. Shoes are my kids! Let me be the mother I was meant to be.

Desperate Housewives, or How Wisteria Lane gets blown away!

"It was supposed to be a beautiful day..."

And yet, a house collapsed (bringing no Dorothy and thankfully killing none of our Wisteria Lane bit... er witches) as a tornado hit Wisteria Lane 'Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton' style. Just as last year's 'Bang' managed to create a drama-heavy episode that showcased both the actors and the production aspects of the Marc Cherry show, this year's 'Something's Coming' managed to give us great one-liners, a good story and impeccable production (picket fences flying? cars falling? Gabi breaking and entering? Awesome!)
I'll let the formulaic aspects of the episode (and Teri Hatcher's storyline, as well as their insistence on giving Felicity all the drama-heavy moments) go if only because as an episode that began with Mary Alice telling us one of the husbands was going to die kept me guessing all the way through (was I the only one who wished [SPOILERS AHEAD] Mike had been the one to go?)And as a D-Hos event, it blew me, along with all its characters away:
Secrets were revealed (a cheating, tattooed Captain Mal?)
Friendships were strengthened (Bree and Katherine: now, double the fun? Edie and Gabi: now, half the bitchiness?)
Characters were developed (will this be the end of the one-note Edie 'I'm-jealous-and-create-havoc-for-Gabi-and-Carlos' Brit as well as the end of the ever so annoying 'Mike has an addiction' storyline?)
And of course, a lot of 'damage' (that is, both figurative and literal) was done:
As if almost losing her husband, getting cancer and well, having six kids weren't enough the writers decided to destroy Lynette's house. How I miss the Lynette from the Pilot whose comedy came from the domestic aspects of being a mom: remember her in full mourning regalia fishing out the twins from the pool? When oh when will Felicity get her comedy back?

I guess we'll have to wait til next year (oh and yeah... til that strike thing is over. Can they just get their money now?)

Favourite Gabi Lines:
"Carlos if you are taking me somewhere where I don't need a boa I don't want to go."
Re: Edie - "Rot in hell you maggotty whore!" and "So do me a favour and don't mention her name again unless it's followed by 'That conniving skank!'"

'No hugs please, I am uncomfortable with needless displays of affection' or How I am Seeing Double

Even in a less-than-stellar episode (Susan worrying about her baby's soul? Lynette dealing with her cancer metonymically? More of Edie's now passé crazy-jealous antics?) the writers of Desperate Housewives prove that they are still going strong in a season evocative of that first one where this was the show to watch.

Example:
Danielle dressing up as Bree for the Halloween party

"I am not Danielle I am Bree van de Camp Hodge."

"No hugs please, I am uncomfortable with needless displays of affection"

"Now stop that baby Hodge, we don't kick people... unless they're servants"

So, Bree, have you picked out a name for your baby?
Not yet, but I was thinking You're-not-good-enough if it's a boy and You'll-always-disappoint-me if it's a girl

Just brilliant! (And, as we have noted here before - displaying A Blog Next Door's favourite characteristic: Self-Awareness)

Desperate Housewives, or How Lynette Got her Groove Back

At last! Desperate Housewives gets self-aware enough to realise that while the corporate 'mos would love a chance to live in Wisteria Lane, it will always be Teri Hatcher who keeps us away ($2000 suits or no $2000 suits). Susan will always be for me the weakest link in what is otherwise an (albeit inconsistently) well-written show. This is why it was hilarious to see the kind of wit and spite I usually direct at Teri Hatcher actually played out on screen deliciously by Kevin Rahm and Tuc Watkins: I mean, how bitchier can primetime gays get?

And yet, it was also interesting to see the new 'gay couple' in Marc Cherry's show from an academic standpoint: this is where (arguably a minority of) the (alleged) gay 'community' wants to go. To the suburbs, where we are 'just like you' gentle heterosexuals: we have jobs, we wear suits (and/or manpris with purple polos) and can afford a suburban house where we take care of our dog. It seems that Lee and Bob are the poster-couple for the white upper-middle class gay male community - it comes as no surprise then that they would show up in a show about and for white upper-middle class America, who, like Susan watches Cable and believes themselves to (not only be a 'nice neighbour') but inclusive and open to 'those people.'
Don't get me wrong, I am all for exposure - wealthy and well groomed gays are better than no gays at all, right? And while it may seem as if I am complaining I actually think (as I've noted before) that ABC is way ahead of its competitors when it comes to queering their network; that, and oh yeah, they know their target consumer audience. And if they can keep doing that while mining my love-hate relationship with the has-been that was Ms Hatcher, all the better!
And yet, I still found this week's high point the storyline with Lynette and her wigs (Brandy, Candy, 'Jeff'...) - it was about time Ms Huffman (or is it Mrs Macy?) got a good storyline that veered away from the (interesting, nuanced but still) dramatic and heavy cancer aspects of her character. Huffman, who along with Marcia Cross can go easily from drama to comedy and not miss a beat, was in dire need of stretching her comedic skills and seeing her get her mojo back was enjoyable - as much for Tom as it was the audience.
From the previews, it looks like I'll have at least one more episode with Funny Huffman to look forward to - til then!

Desperate Sisters, or How the Alphabet Channel has a Delicious Sundae

9:00 Desperate Housewives (ABC)
After an estranged season (I can't remember any episodes after that crazy "Bang!" episode) I decided/was forced to go back to Desperate Housewives this season: how could I not, with hottie my favourite space captain setting up shop in Wisteria Lane? It didn't take long for Brenda Strong to fill me in on everyone's dirty laundry - 5 mins in I was aware of Bree's fake pregnancy, Lynette's cancer (why is it that Felicity is getting all the "drama" acting and not enough comedy!?), Gabrielle's marriage, Edie's suicide and Susan's (actually every single scene with Teri Hatcher works like an amnesiac...) The episode was fun as per usual. Too much Teri (and actually stealing a scene right from Nathan's earlier summer exposure: read Waitress - which if you haven't seen, wait for it on DVD and do yourself a favour!) and not enough everyone else, really. I still don't know what they're gonna do with Lynette's cancer - how comedic is a disease, really? and do we need more drama? It was fun, fluff, but fun. Bree still has the best lines, though the fork scene was a bit... over the top. Yet again we have new neighbours (Dana Delany gets a chance to capitalize on that 'Bree' role she turned down) and new intrigues, so we'll see how that pans out. Overall, an enjoyable episode but not the best I've seen of the girls in Wisteria Lane, though the Dana-Marcia rivalry looks more than promising, so we'll tune in on Sundays, when I'm rarely doing anything more exciting.

Favourite part of the show:
Edie: My doctor told me to talk openly about it [her attempted 'suicide']
Bree: Surely not over food.

10:00 Brothers and Sisters (ABC)
As someone reminded me today, I do make 'fun' of people who watch Brothers and Sisters, but like anything else, I believe that to judge you need to have watched/tasted/talked to...well, you get the picture. So I gave it a chance. And, even though I love Calista (if only for that wonderful David E. Kelley show everyone loves to hate), love Rachel (just cause) and love the gay storyline (who doesn't love the gays on primetime?) I find the entire show a bit... over the top. Too much drama, too much 'weep now gentle viewer!' or 'be moved by our stories, which are just like your stories...' - which I can't really stomach. Maybe that's why I like over the top shows (comedic like Ugly Betty, crazy like 30 Rock, sci-fi like BSG, vampire-y like Buffy/Angel, witty like GG, well,you get the idea). That said, it was entertaining to watch - it does have good writing and good acting which I can admire, but needless to say I won't be tuning in next week to see if hottie-son actually died (oops spoilers...)

Favourite part of the show: "I dont want nice, I want my mother!"