Sunday, September 28, 2008

Live Blogging Desperate Housewives, or How we're 5 years into the future!

Live Blogging Desperate Housewives Episode One Season Five 
"You're Gonna Love Tomorrow"

It's Sunday evening and I am compelled to live-blog the D-Hos season premiere cause well... I'm done doing work this weekend and I'm thinking this'll be fun. Never live-blogged before so we'll see how everything goes.

Mary Alice briefs us on Susan and some woman called Lilah. 
WOW. Not even a minute in and we're already on soap-opera land. CAR CRASH! Is Teri okay? Yep... Is Mike? ... Jesus! Like enough stuff hasn't happened to him/them?!

"Where did time go?" Asks Mary Alice... don't know. But why don't you tell us?
Ooh. Love Marcia's hair. Very Martha Stewart chic.
Ew. Juanita's "pretty dress" - and are we discussing weight issues for a 4 year old?! 

And the Bree soundites begin:
"That's no surprise, my pies are always amazing." 
"Andrew, tell this gentleman that if he calls me 'sweetie' again I'm gonna grab his camera and take a picture of his colon!"

Is it illegal for me to find Lynette's twins attractive?
And Gale having sex? So QAF! Except he's into commitment... weird.

Ahh! An albino's a-knocking! PSA: Don't let albinos into your house...
Oh, Nicolette you always knew how to make an entrance! In this case, you just had to pull open your car window and let us know you are now "Mrs Williams" to Mr Albino.

Edie: "I have a husband now"
Susan: "Really? Whose?" 
Hah-larious. And so true.
But now we're in bizarro-world: Edie's being nice? I smell a plot-twist!

Gabi soundbite: "Want me to pull off the Solis family album? Like a bunch of sea-lions on a rock!"

Ahh! Make it stop! A Beverly Hills Chihuahua TV Spot - Oh Piper "Coyote Ugly" Perabo: whatever happened to your career? 

Gale Harold naked. I guess D-Hos producers know what they're doing! I find it funny though that they're a) rehashing a Susan season 1 sketch and b) pairing him with ze gay couple (and trust me: I would take a cell-phone pic if I caught Gale in his underwear near my house)

OH MY GOD. Gabi's game is amazing. Can I make MY kids follow my revving car around the city?! "You're tired? I thought running through that guy's sprinkler would have freshened you up!"
Bree: "I always changed something [in your recipes]"
Katherine: "What? The font?!"

"Welcome to Australia"! Welcome to you too Mr Jackman and your rippling, sweaty pectorals!
"Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be" - you're right Nicole... unless it's so pretty looking and directed by Baz! [Yay for Australia tv spots!]
On a sidenote: Ashton Kutcher exec produces "Opportunity Knocks"!?

LOL I do love it when Lynette plays the "I'm a passive aggressive mom/wife!" Case in point: giving the twins Tom's convertible after Tom refused to ground 'em.

Love the Katherine-Bree bitchy fights. But not as much as Tom-Lynette passive aggressive discussions about parenting! 

Gale Harold karaoke-ing?! "I wanna be YOUR boyfriend Gale!" (And who's on the front row? Ze gays again!)
Susan: "Maybe I don't deserve to be happy..." Hm... did I hear another plot-twist coming? And it all comes full circle!! But wait... WE don't get to hear what that's all about?!

omg! Danielle took the kid! Orson's gone?! (Or was?) wtf? 
Aw, Bree's business is her surrogate child. That's a wee bit depressive... and there was no humour to tone that down...

Thank god they don't call Maynard 'Maynard' (MJ instead). Oh, Lilah and her kid died... whoa dark place anyone?
"In a flash the life we knew is gone"
And Mary Alice leaves us with a couple of questions:
How could he have left me?
When did my beauty start to fade?
Why has my friend changed?
Was i the best mother i could have been?
And of course Dave is a crazy angry-prone ex-con on parole?! Now... who's the person who should be concerned?!

Whoa. That was an exquisite episode -Season One good. And it does play like a pilot: everyone is set up for what's to come this season (Lynette and her twins, Gabi and her self-image issues, Katherine and her stunted professional career, Bree and her family past, Susan and her new beau, Edie and her crazy husband... and I am hooked again!) and the 5 years flash forward allows them to play any and all angles they want (oh flashbacks will come in handy I'm sure). Here's to a desperate and past-haunted season ahead!


Dame James Henry said...

Since bashing Desperate Housewives has become so popular recently, it's refreshing to see someone else who's as addicted to the show as I am. Tonight's episode was utterly amazing and got me hooked once again for what I'm sure will be another crazy season. As soon as "Mr. Albino" (love the nickname!) ended the episode by saying he, essentially, was going to murder someone on Wysteria Lane, I immediately started running through a million past story lines trying to figure out who had done someone else wrong and my friend was like, "Don't even bother."

And Marcia Cross was amazing as always. I swear to God, I will blow every member of the HFPA, SAG and Emmy committee to get her nominations next year. She is the most under appreciated woman in TV right now and she should have won every damn award for last season (sorry, still bitter!).

Don't worry about finding the twins attractive- when they first appeared my friend and I gave a collective "Whoa" at the sight of them. I might actually have to get a little more involved in the twins' storyline this season...

StinkyLulu said...

I can't really bear to actually watch the show (don't hurt me James!) but, I must say, this little recap was funny fun fun.

More please.