Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Shia LeBUSTED! or How what show should he "Rehab" in?

After her non-comeback year, depression, an awful hairdo, clinics, pills and umbrella attacks, Britney opted for the hah-larious How I Met Your Mother as the place where she would (and sorta did) show the world she's okay now (and funny if she wants to be).

Lindsay, after partying too much with the Hilton and the Ritchie and whoever else would enable her (including her mom?) decided to start cleaning up her act and going back to her Mean Girls roots and did a small cameo (that set up her arc in the upcoming 3rd Season) in Ugly Betty.

And now, joining the ranks of these two (even if men in Hollywood seem to always get it easier with the press: "He's living life!" "He's having fun" to the "She's out of control!" "It's so unseemly!") Shia LeIHateHisLastName is already in trouble again. Yes, Steven and George's (and Bay's! and Caruso's!) little It-Boy was busted... again. And so many franchises hinge on his nicely cut good-boy image that it led me to wonder: Where oh where will Shia go once he needs to "clean up" his act (even if secretly I'm hoping he doesn't - not because I hate him, but because I do wanna see someone else *coughTopherGracecough* in the role of Yorick Brown). Here are some suggestions:

He could go the K-Fed route and be in an episode of CSI. I can see it now: young hooligan gets in with the wrong crowd. A murder ensues. Investigation (with cool special FX and minimal acting) follows. This would be the "I'm being META" Guest gig (that, or if he wants even more Meta-guesting he could do so in 30 Rock, but as much as I would like everyone to see how Shia cannot meet the Tina/Jane/Alec standards of acting, I really don't want him getting an Emmy nom next year)

Or, he could go the way the girls did and choose a comedy. Let's see, he could do a CBS comedy:

Two and a Half Men (I would only wish this on never-really-been-it boys - Sorry Sheen!) - Shia plays a younger version of Charlie that reminds him how he started, though he's grown enough to give the guy some pointers. Somehow, even in its non-hilarity, the ratings go through the roof and I'm still left wondering how anyone watches this still...

The Big Bang Theory - here he would play himself and suffer from endless "What do you say sir, about the blatant inconsistencies in Indy IV?"/ "But do you really want us to believe anyone could survive a sword fight with Cate Blanchett... I mean, a nuclear explosion?" conversations courtesy of everyone's favourite fanboys. (See, I'd pay to watch that) - and no, he would not get any screen-time with Penny.

Or, y'know - if it gets that bad, he can always go to reality TV shows:

Dancing with the Shia. A one episode spin off where fangirls fight over the 'hunky' Disturbia actor through dancing competition only to win a date with the Last Hope for the Indy franchise. He would play all three guests, showcasing his acting chops (and one can only imagine that he has his faux-Brit-arrogant accent to a dime, except y'know... for the British part) - while all the while hearing confessions from the girls involved saying how they quit their job to be here, or how this would just make their 1 year old so proud... 

How about a guest-judging gig in Project Runway? Well, if SJP could pull it off why not make it an Indy-themed challenge? All you get are khakis and you need to come up with something new (yes - think the Levi's challenge only with Banana Republic sponsoring!) and that classic Indy outfit as your inspiration.

Ah, the possibilities are really endless. I mean, Disney could welcome him back and have him share hosting gigs with Nick Lachey, or Pushing Daisies could use him as a corpse at some point, or he could play an arrogant version of himself in Entourage or well... you get the idea, no?

1 comment:

Dame James Henry said...

I'm really finding it kind of annoying how no one is talking about and/or complaining about Shia's DUI when Britney showing her vagina off or Amy Winehouse walking down the street is in every gossip blog on the planet. Shia is a moronic, hypocritic, skanky douchebag and just needs to die. The only show I'd like to see him on is Judge Judy.