Watchmen, or How I guess I watch the Watchmen?

Watchmen

Directed by Zack Snyder

Starring: Patrick Wilson, Jackie Earle Haley, Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Carla Gugino, Matthew Goode, Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

So, Zack Snyder delivered a 'well-crafted' adaptation of Alan Moore's Watchmen. Is it a good film? Not particularly. It's an entertaining ride and a great nostalgic companion piece to the (far superior, more intellectually stimulating and much more accomplished) graphic novel. The credits sequence in particular are breathtaking - it's odd how Snyder's 'talent' flourishes when he's not OCDing on painstakingly borrowing Moore/Gibson's "vision" and plotting it on screen. B

Some quick thoughts on the Watchmen themselves:

The Comedian

Who knew a Grey's Anatomy alum would have talent? (I kid... no, I don't) Morgan is crazy evil and loathsome as the character whose death opens up the story. You wanna punch him, you wanna kick him... and that's a good sign.

Nite Owl

Patrick Wilson. Need I say more? Okay: Naked Patrick Wilson. But, all gay fanboyishness aside, can we agree Mr Wilson has the 'social awkward yet smouldering good-guy' character down to a tee? I mean, isn't Nite Owl Joe Pitt without a costume and the mormon drama?

Dr Manhattan

Mr Crudup('s voice and gestures) make Jon a wonder of a character and much more plausible than I ever expected. His pain may not be 'human' but it is damn impossible to miss. Also: blue frontal nudity. 'nuff said.

Rorschach

So the growly voice might be a bit too Christian-Bale-Batmanesque, but it somehow works for Watchmen's most well-rounded and complex character and Haley 'knocks it out of the park' (he might also have beat it, set fire to it, hacked it, etc.) - this is after all his tragedy, no?

Silk Spectre II

Why are women's roles in so-called superhero movies under-written. Okay so you had to take away Laurie's penchant for smoking and thus nixed what is so clearly a window into her broken psyche and, yeah the whole mommy/daddy issues aren't really explored but did Laurie really have to be such a bland character?

Ozymandias

I love Matt Goode. He's a hottie and clearly talented. Why then was I so disappointed with his Veidt? Was it the blond hair? Was it the bluntness with which (SPOILERS AHEAD) Snyder and co. reveal from the get-go his malevolent ways? I say, a little bit of column A and a little bit of column B.

Shoutouts to Ms Carla Gugino who is amazing and effortlessly wonderful as Silk Spectre I and to the F/X wizards credited with Mr Manhattan's Lower Manhattan.

Queering Remy, or How PIXAR's rat might be more than our 'little chef'

Or so argues a certain scholar. Now, as soon as I read the following things started to click, and I'm kicking myself for not seeing it sooner:

Laure Murat of the UCLA Department of French and Francophone Studies takes the exploration of this topic much further in her lecture Thursday, in which she delves into Remy's embodiment of "the lonely gay, both refined and the object of disgust, excluded and successful" and the animated movie as "the story of the Oedipus conflict, mixed with issues of race and species.... If 'anyone can cook,' any queer guy has a role to play in this world -- at least in Paris."

Kate Holmes Next? or How Tom Cruise's Exes Strike Oscar Gold

So I was flipping channels and I ended up catching Vanilla Sky on Bravo, which just reminded me of the following piece of trivia:

Is Katie next?

Paul is Tom and Seth is Kiera? or How I'm Seeing Double

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Get it? Because the spoof is funnier when the men DON'T get naked, right? 

Gigantic, or How is Zooey Deschanel hoarding the Indie Romantic Comedy leads?

With this and 500 Days of Summer, Ms Deschanel pretty much has crowned herself the Indie Queen of Romantic Leads:

2008 Films

Here are all the films I saw (and graded) from 2008.

Top 5 Films of 2008 (and the Dory Awards can be found here)

In Bruges

I've Loved You So Long (A+)

Milk (A)

Revolutionary Road (A)

Wall•E

The Rest (in alphabetical order)

27 Dresses (C+)

Australia (B+)

Baby Mama (B+)

Be Kind Rewind (B-)

Bolt (A-)

Burn After Reading (A-)

Changeling (C+)

Charlie Bartlett (B+)

Doubt (A-)

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (A-)

Frost/Nixon (B+)

Get Smart (B)

Happy-Go-Lucky (A-)

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (B+)

Iron Man (A)

Kung Fu Panda (A)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (B+)

Les Chansons D'Amour (A-)

Mamma Mia! (B+)

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day (B+)

My Blueberry Nights (C+)

Quantum of Solace (B+)

Rachel Getting Married (A)

Sex and the City: The Movie (A)

Slumdog Millionaire (A+)

Speed Racer (D)

Synecdoche, New York (B++)

The Air I Breathe (B-)

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (B-)

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (C+)

The Dark Knight (A+)

The Duchess (C-)

The Fall (B++)

The Incredible Hulk (B+)

The Other Boleyn Girl (B)

The Reader (A-)

The Women (D)

The Wrestler (A)

Tropic Thunder (C)

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (A)

W. (B)

Waltz With Bashir (B-)

Wendy and Lucy (A)

Bye Bye Banner, or How it's time for a change!

Say goodbye to Willow, Joan, the Boys & Girls, Britney, Scott & Ramona, Six, Fey-Palin & Amy-Hillary, Cunningham, Sally, Lorelei & Rory and Wall‧E and say hello to the new banner: do you recognize everyone?

Damn Gyllenhaal, or How will they decide who plays Lola?

Variety is reporting that Jim Carrey and Jake Gyllenhaal are attached to a new film version of the classic Broadway musical Damn Yankees (yeah, you know - the one that recently received a mini-makeover in the hands of a certain Sean Hayes and a smoking Jane Krakowski?)

But of course we won't really know whether this musical will really be worth it until producers attach a female star to inhabit the infamous shoes of a Ms Lola. I mean Carrey is an interesting choice for the Devil and it'll be nice to see Jake play 'wholesome American boy' while singing, but the show needs a strong female singer/actress to pull off, arguably, the best song in the film: Whatever Lola Wants. Suggestions:

- After the Oscars I might be tempted to give Anne Hathaway the role, knowing the pipes she had. This would also be a nice break from her filmic image, giving her a sexier role. Can she dance though? 

- I have to throw Jane K in here of course, but considering the star power the other two leads have, I doubt they'll hire a "TV personality" (as talented and amazing as she may be).

- This is going to sound very fanboyish of me (and maybe I'll suggest it because I suggest this person in my head whenever a new female lead role in Hollywood opens) but couldn't it be great if SMG were to play Lola? We know she can sing and dance (watch Once More With Feeling if you don't believe me) and she can smouldering sexy when she wants to and we all know she needs a Hollywood break, might this be it?

- Does anyone know if Rachel McAdams can sing or dance?

- Has this become just a soundboard for me suggesting young actresses that I'd love to see in musicals? Maybe. But would that take away from Emily Blunt or Natalie Portman into the mix? 

Okay, I'm sure there are better suggestions out there, and regardless - the Studio will pick someone who I haven't completely thought of and I hope to be pleasantly surprised. But til then a boy can dream, no?

Little Ashes, or How I'm just gonna say it: Rob Pattinson can't act

Little Ashes

Dir. Paul Morrison

Written by Philippa Goslett

Starring: Robert Pattison, Javier Beltran, Matthew McNulty and Marina Gattell.

Here is a fascinating story: a young Salvador Dali arrives at the Residencia de Estudiantes in Madrid where Luis Buñuel and Federico Garcia Lorca lead a make-shift bohemian colony, encouraging each other to nurture their artistic talents. Lorca and Dali become infatuated with each other, become lovers but soon their relationship comes to a halt once Dali flees to Paris away from Lorca and into Buñuel's Parisian world, leaving Lorca heartbroken but all the more focused on political and social revolution (which, if you know your Spanish history, leads to his assassination).

So here we have a great story, a beautiful backdrop (Madrid in the 1920s) - so why is this film so dreadfully boring, needlessly confusing and overall disjointed? I blame the characterization of Dali. From scene to scene, Goslett, Morisson and Pattinson in particular, don't know what to do with Salvador: how do you explain and compellingly portray one of twentieth century's greatest artists, root him in a believable world where we can follow his character from introvert genius artist to over-the-top genius without eliciting a schizophrenic, botched performance from an ill-equipped Pattison?  You can't, or at least - not with the talent involved. Everything around Dali works really well: Beltran as Lorca grounds the film in heartbreaking candor, McNulty's Buñuel is necessarily frightening and charming, Gattell brings Magdalena to life - specifically in a climactic sex scene that changes everything - and even the Madrid that Morrison paints for us is nicely brings together the artistic buoyancy of the era and the burgeoning political violence that laid ahead. 

Sadly, Dali and Pattison's performance (seriously, I have never seen someone on screen so aware of the camera while trying so hard to act as if the camera wasn't there... very bizarre - also, when the audience is laughing at you, well - need we say more?) throw any potential this movie could have had aside. D+

PS. Can we please talk about the biggest mistake other than casting Pattison in the role of Dali? I'm talking about the choice to a) write/shoot the film in English and b) have Beltran recite the poetry in Spanish but have the poetry dubbed in English by Beltran's voice over it. Does it sound confusing? It was, and distracting and altogether a betrayal of Lorca's beautiful poetry. /rant over.

Up, or How: New Posters!

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Kelly Clarkson's All I Ever Wanted or How I'm digging the album!

Okay so the cover art had me iffy... though I do enjoy the colour-scheme and the sort of retro look, but the songs! Is it any surprise this album has been on loop for over 72 hours now on my iPhone? Mini-review ahead:

My Life Would Suck Without You

I guess this means you're sorry...

It feels very much like a Breakaway-track. And that's never a bad thing.

If I Can't Have You

One look no hesitation, I'm slipping into you.

Kelly's at her best when she does dance-pop, she does have the "just jump up and down along" niche covered.

Long Shot

My heart beat-beats me senselessly!

My fave track! So pop-edgy! It just asks for it to be sung along as loud as you can!

Don't Let Me Stop you

This is gonna sound kinda silly but I couldn't help but notice: the last time you kissed me you kept both eyes open

Can I dance around in my underwear to this every time I feel like boys suck? Yes I can.

Cry

If anyone asks, I'll tell them we just both moved on...

Heartbreaking, 

Already Gone

Remember all the things we wanted?

Well-executed polished ballad.

All I Ever Wanted

It's time you let me know, let me know

Good beat. Bit forgettable though for a title track.

If No One Will Listen

If your legs are giving up under the weight...

A belting ballad. 

I Do Not Hook Up

The more that you try the harder I fight.

A rockin' anthem of sorts. Think Since U Been Gone.

Whyyawannabringmedown

[I don't think any song that includes "love monkey" in the lyrics should be reviewed, it's the one song I skip EVERY TIME. Kelly trying to be a punk-rocker = not cool]

Save You

I can tell I can tell how much you hate this...

Is it bad that I enjoy Kelly's poppy themes more than sentimentally ballads like these, beautiful as they are?

Ready

Too much of your mouth is like too much sun! How I burn, how I burn!

That line alone should tell you everything. Bouncy fun!

Impossible

Can't change the wind to say, won't matter any way. Can't reach that far cause it's impossible

Breakaway-esque if you know what I mean.

I Want You

No one else will do, I want... No one else gets me

A flirty, fun, whimsical ditty.

Welcome back Kelly! Don't listen to the haters either - My December is still a hot album.

Note to Self, or How can all the gay lurkers please stand up!

Seriously. This posted pic of Academy Award Winner and hunk du jour Dustin Lance Black was responsible for a whopping 900% increase in my daily traffic! So, being as shameless as I am, I'm reposting and inviting every gay lurker who finds himself here long enough to stick around after copying the pic for their own purposes, to click around! 

Alyssa Tomei, or How I'm Seeing Double

Rarely does an impersonation ring so sincerely true and evoke such respect for the material:

Alyssa in The Uncler & Marisa in The Wrestler

[Thanks for StinkyLulu for the Marisa screengrabs which I've selfishly 'borrowed']

Heavenly Creatures, or How this is Ms Winslet's career in a nutshell

Is Heavenly Creatures (Ms Academy Award WINNER Kate Winslet's film debut) a blueprint for her film career?

Let's take a look:

A kid and a princess.

A Kid in King Arthur's Court

Girl traveling in the rain.

Sense and Sensibility

Deranged girl syndrome.

Hamlet

Tragedy upon a boat.

Titanic

Forbidden desire.

Quills

Lovely bicycle rides.

Iris

'Capital Punishment' quandaries.

The life of David Gale

Diaries. Memories. Love stories. 

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Bedridden due to illness.

Finding Neverland

She sings!

Romance & Cigarettes

Sojourns in old-school bathing suits

Little Children

Having sex with a slightly less-hot person than yourself 

The Holiday

Pretty 1950s frocks

Revolutionary Road

Sexy bathtub scenes 

The Reader

Best Supporting Actress, or How Desire is the Word

A Blog Next Door's Oscar coverage 2009: for the lit theory junkine in me and the Oscar watcher in you.

Best Supporting Actress 2009: 'Lacanian Desire' 

Okay so we dealt with the crazy supporting boys, the 'manly' leading men and the motherly leading ladies... so what is left? Well, we have a lovely bunch of supporting ladies (don't they make a gorgeous lineup?) who exemplify to one extent or another the different models of desire that (just like 'motherhood' in the leading ladies) these characters exemplify. 

And so here we have a mother, a nun, a stripper mother, a foster mother and a power of nature:

Viola Davis is "Mrs Miller" in Doubt

'I just want what's best for my son.'

&

Amy Adams is "Sister James" in Doubt

'You just want your simplicity, back.'

If I'm lumping the two Doubt girls it is not because of any attempt at diminishing the individual impact but because they both showcase (I think) a similar drive: to keep things as they are (or were, as it may). Both Sister James and Mrs Miller function in the film as character who don't wish to face (or can't fathom to face) the revelation which Sister Aloysius wants to bear on those involved. While one appears more troubled than the other, they both show us women whose desire is for the 'status quo.'  Interesting because this desire for not-change as a model of a world outlook comes at once from a place of faith (Sister James) and a place of social inequality (Mrs Miller), yet it hinges on their role as women pit against men. Our desire contains.

Marisa Tomei is "Cassidy" in The Wrestler

I elicit desire.

Here is a woman who makes money off of men's desire. Cassidy sells the image of her body and is able to make dance that fine line between harnessing desire and letting it out of control. Indeed, her relationship with 'The Ram' suggests that she can only apprehend relationships within a policed desiring structure (client-stripper) and has a hard time figuring out how that desire can either transcend or be turned into something else. My desire titillates.

Taraji P. Henson is "Queenie" in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

I desire to be a mother.

Here is a woman whose desires seem to be unconvincingly selfless. I say that because Queenie seems to not have any desire that is not directed/aimed at someone else (she wants to care for Benjamin, she devotes her life to helping older folks - all, it would seem at her own expense). The film (indeed the premise) cannot empower Queenie with any desire other than to be Benjamin's mother. My desire is muted.

Penelope Cruz is "Maria Elena" in Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I am desire.

Here is a whirlwind of desire - unstoppable, misdirected and at times violent (but then, aren't all warm-blooded European female artists like this?) If there's one thing that Maria Elena epitomizes is the temptation (and curiously dangerous allure) of unbridled desire - be it sexual (with Juan Antonio), artistic (with Cristina) or both (with both!) Whether Woody presents us with a prescription or a warning is up to the audience, but compared to the pale (and might we even go as far as say 'frigid' and 'clinical'?) Vicky and Cristina, we can't fault the camera and the characters from being so seduced by Maria Elena's "ge-nee-uss" which stems from and is projected within her desiring/able body. My desire disturbs.